the Art of Self

Everywhere and nowhere, 2009

Communicating is crucial, yet a constant struggle for me. I possess a reflective view of the world and my place in it and my art (when I find time to create it) focuses on deconstructing and reconstructing that view. I aim to capture the details that are often overlooked. In my landscape work, I utilize color, contrast, and texture in order to create a mood or atmosphere incongruous to otherwise familiar places and objects. In my creative portrait work, I aim to unveil the hidden essence of a person – parts of the persona that often lie just below the surface.

I have done quite a few self portraits in the past 5 years. And while I haven't done any in well over a year, I began to question about why I, like so many other photographers, dwell on the subject of self. Is it because when an idea strikes there are no models handy? Is there a deeper reason? Or are we just narcissistic?

Honestly, I believe it to be a little bit of all that. Sometimes I am struck by inspiration at an odd time during the night or day, and I just *have* to work on that idea. If I am the only one around - then viola - I am not only the photographer, but the subject. But more times than not, the reason I put myself as the subject is because there is usually some sort of emotion stewing close to the surface.  Not being fantastic at always expressing my emotions through speech, I sometimes choose to use a visual medium – photos.

Sometimes the messages are obscure - maybe I will be the only person to really understand the meaning - or maybe they are more obvious. Or perhaps, people walk away with a completely different, yet no less accurate, assessment. Because everyone walks through life with different experiences - their own set of bumps and bruises, laughter and smiles - it doesn't necessarily have to be the message or emotion I was feeling when I created it. Isn't the essence of art to not only leave the viewer with something to dwell upon, but to also forge an emotional connection?

I am at your door, 2008

In my world, I am an empathetic observer. I see varying and unending shades of gray. I feel deeply about issues surrounding me - whether they are personal or more about the uncontrollable aspects of the tumultuous world around me. All these pent up thoughts and emotions whiz around my mind like debris caught in a funnel cloud. After a time, they can cause a big old tumultuous storm of shit if I don't eventually allow them to come out in some form of creation.

In the self portrait above, I was in a frantic and anxious part of my life and much change was right around the corner. I don't remember really setting the scene for the photo for any particular reason other than I like the creepy basement stairs in the house and the old lantern. But if I look at it, I can see my sub conscious mind was definitely at work. Awkward position, crouching on stairs, band-aid on knee, old useless lantern.... I think I more accurately portray that moment in my life through this image than I could ever explain to someone in words.

I love our silences, 2010

Even now, my mind is setting up my next self portrait. It involves a field and a cold war era Soviet gas mask... I wonder what you will make of that.

More of my self portrait work (and lots of other photos by moi) can be found here