people {pictures}

This is my very first people picture.  It was taken in 2007 at the beginning of my photographic journey.

I worked in downtown Nashua, NH for a few years and had formed an evening rapport with this gentleman named Arthur. I could never figure out if Arthur was homeless or not - I never asked. By appearances, one would assume he was, but I had heard from locals that he had a subsidized room somewhere near downtown. Regardless of his living situation, I had noticed him for a few weeks when I first started working there and like most people, I would pass without speaking or even making eye contact with him.

One day, I was standing on the corner of the street waiting to cross when I saw him pushing his bicycle down the side walk. Granted, I saw him quite often - but this day I looked at him. I saw his tattered clothing and unkempt face. I noticed the big wire basket on the front of the bike and the almost comical brass horn on the handle bars. I glanced around and noticed most everyone about pretended not to notice him – like he didn't exist in that space, in that moment. What an awful feeling that must be. Everyone is a person. Everyone exists. Everyone deserves a smile and a hello. And to my shame, I was guilty of doing that exact thing previously.

As he passed by me I simply said "Hello" and shared a smile.

After that, every evening without fail - rain or shine - Arthur would be sitting on the bench at the corner opposite of my office, waiting to say good evening and comment on the weather or to let me know he was selling Avon should I need any Skin So Soft. He would smile and wave to me from across the street when he saw me exit the building and press the cross walk button.

I remember working late one evening – it was dreary and raining – and I didn't leave my office until well after 7:30pm. Now normally, I was out of the office and on my way home by 5:00pm, so I naturally assumed Arthur would not be there. But he was. Sitting on that bench, with his umbrella, waiting to say good evening and comment on the particular fat drops of rain around us. Every evening. Without fail. Just for that 2 minute interaction and then we went our separate ways. I admit, it was both flattering and a little frightening.

When I decided to purchase my first digital SLR in 2007 - a Canon Digital Rebel XT - I brought my new toy to the office for "show and tell".  I was so excited about finally splurging on something I had so longed to purchase but had yet to master. I had a very vague, general idea of what I was doing (technically speaking) from a high school photography class years before – things like shutter speed, ISO and aperture. Time has a way of fading knowledge and in all honestly - I probably didn't have a strong grasp of it then. I never used the automatic "green box".  To my tiny credit, I shot everything on manual - fumbling as I figured things out.

These two things relate. I promise.

That evening, like every other, Arthur was sitting, waiting for me to say hello. But, unlike previous interactions, I deviated from our normal script and showed him my new camera. We talked for a few moments about the camera and the reasons I had gotten it. Then, I asked if I might take his picture. He looked a little surprised but quickly recovered and said "Of course!".

I stepped back and fumbled with my settings. I was so nervous because I didn't want to seem intrusive. I quickly set the camera as best I could and shot a couple frames. I look at the EXIF info now and give myself mental palm slap to the head. ISO 400, 1/100 second, 7.2/f. My today (somewhat technical) mind says  "Gheesh - you should have shot this at no more than 4.0/f and bumped that shutter up, silly girl".

My artistic mind of yesterday and today says "Well done." It's not perfect in a technical sense - I know - but it is a good "people picture" that has the undertones I strive for in every image I create. To this day, it is remains one of my favorite images that I have taken.

Recently, I was asked to define what I think a good "people picture" is. This is infinitely harder than it first sounds. My mouth opened to answer quickly, but I found my self at a loss to sum up what I thought into words. I had to pause and really think about this. I had to look at photos that I loved and consider what about them draws me to them and holds my attention - even long after I have seen them?

I think a good people picture is emotive. It reaches beyond the boundaries of its frame and captures not only a moment, a person or people - but it exposes something hidden just below the surface - a small truth not always spoken and very subtly seen.

I love taking photos of most everything. I have a bend towards abandoned and dilapidated buildings as as well as people. Even without an actual person in the photo - it's something touched or neglected by people. It has an emotion and a history. It tells a story.

Thinking about this has re-energized me to continue my photographic journey and to one day create that one photo that someone will see and carry with them. I'm not there yet and wonder if I ever will be. I wonder if any artist ever believes that they have attained their goal. But I believe that this subtle doubt about the ability to attain achievement is what I carry with me  - what pushes me to continue, to grow, to create and to see the world at a slightly askew angle.

i am a pixel pusher

It started almost 17 years ago with graphic design... and now my obsession has grown and I am recently (re)obsessed with pixels... more specifically the sharpness of pixels in my photos. It's never enough.

I am constantly striving to improve what I have previously done... always viewing my work with a critical eye and telling myself "Ok.. you did well, but you could do better, now get to it". I get nervous - even when shooting my own kids - about finding pretty light and that and exposure just right, creating a pleasing compositions in camera, angles, catch lights... Ahhhh! It is safe to say there is a lot whirling around in my brain when the camera is stuck to my face.

Fortunately, I have a tiny little model (who cannot runaway when she sees the camera like her big sister, Bean) with me when the light is just right. While I prefer to use only natural light, but I have been know to pop a flash or use my alien bees from to time to time. From her expression in these two photos, you can see she has already learned, at her young age, to be patient with Momma when she has her camera out.

Right now - other than pushing the sharpness of photos (it's not enough!! I want more!!! I want better!!!) - I am also experimenting with different angles to take photos of the baby. As much as I like props, I seem to lean (recently) in just taking photos of baby in her natural element - whether that be in a little sundress or just her diaper chilling out on a furry rug on the living room floor. The way I see it - this little image is more real and when she is grown and perhaps has babies of her own, this is what I will remember and will make me smile when I look back.

the Art of Self

Everywhere and nowhere, 2009

Communicating is crucial, yet a constant struggle for me. I possess a reflective view of the world and my place in it and my art (when I find time to create it) focuses on deconstructing and reconstructing that view. I aim to capture the details that are often overlooked. In my landscape work, I utilize color, contrast, and texture in order to create a mood or atmosphere incongruous to otherwise familiar places and objects. In my creative portrait work, I aim to unveil the hidden essence of a person – parts of the persona that often lie just below the surface.

I have done quite a few self portraits in the past 5 years. And while I haven't done any in well over a year, I began to question about why I, like so many other photographers, dwell on the subject of self. Is it because when an idea strikes there are no models handy? Is there a deeper reason? Or are we just narcissistic?

Honestly, I believe it to be a little bit of all that. Sometimes I am struck by inspiration at an odd time during the night or day, and I just *have* to work on that idea. If I am the only one around - then viola - I am not only the photographer, but the subject. But more times than not, the reason I put myself as the subject is because there is usually some sort of emotion stewing close to the surface.  Not being fantastic at always expressing my emotions through speech, I sometimes choose to use a visual medium – photos.

Sometimes the messages are obscure - maybe I will be the only person to really understand the meaning - or maybe they are more obvious. Or perhaps, people walk away with a completely different, yet no less accurate, assessment. Because everyone walks through life with different experiences - their own set of bumps and bruises, laughter and smiles - it doesn't necessarily have to be the message or emotion I was feeling when I created it. Isn't the essence of art to not only leave the viewer with something to dwell upon, but to also forge an emotional connection?

I am at your door, 2008

In my world, I am an empathetic observer. I see varying and unending shades of gray. I feel deeply about issues surrounding me - whether they are personal or more about the uncontrollable aspects of the tumultuous world around me. All these pent up thoughts and emotions whiz around my mind like debris caught in a funnel cloud. After a time, they can cause a big old tumultuous storm of shit if I don't eventually allow them to come out in some form of creation.

In the self portrait above, I was in a frantic and anxious part of my life and much change was right around the corner. I don't remember really setting the scene for the photo for any particular reason other than I like the creepy basement stairs in the house and the old lantern. But if I look at it, I can see my sub conscious mind was definitely at work. Awkward position, crouching on stairs, band-aid on knee, old useless lantern.... I think I more accurately portray that moment in my life through this image than I could ever explain to someone in words.

I love our silences, 2010

Even now, my mind is setting up my next self portrait. It involves a field and a cold war era Soviet gas mask... I wonder what you will make of that.

More of my self portrait work (and lots of other photos by moi) can be found here